CELL PHONES AND HEAD SETS AND HALLOWEEN…OH MY.

Hey. How’s that new cell phone law working for you? Not so well for me.
Wasn’t it supposed to eliminate delays and accidents and road rage caused by can’t-walk-and-chew-gum-behind-the-wheel dysfunctionals and cell phone abusers? Got news for you…it’s not working.

I know. It’s early. Hasn’t even been a year, yet. But the reality is I’m still getting stuck behind start-stop-weave-start-stop drivers on a regular basis. I’m talking both hands off the wheel, wildly gesticulating, talking non-stop into their head set (eyes on the head set frequently) as if the person they are talking to is right there with them — and as if there is no one else on the road beside, behind or in front of them.

And, for the record, I still see plenty of drivers holding cell phones to their ear in flagrant violation of the newly established regulations. The only difference is now they’re paying less attention to the road because they are constantly searching in all directions, wild eyed and alert for the police officer that should be busting them. That is criminal.

Glad we got it taken care of.

And moving in a completely unrelated yet equally disturbing direction…
Somebody want to tell me when we lost control of Halloween? Used to be one night of the year, you put on a sheet with holes in it…or made a black cape out of crepe paper and a pointy hat from some cardboard you found in the garage…or put on your dads old torn up work clothes and rubbed some coffee grounds on your face… or turned a TV carton into a silver-painted robot body and you were good to go for one good night of serious candy predation.

It lasted one night (with a parade-at-school preamble) and then life went on.

It was for kids.

Forget going to haunted houses or Knott’s Scary Farm or drink-till-you-drop excess extravaganzas the entire month of October. It was scary enough just walking the neighborhood in the dark for that one night. Well, my neighborhood at least.

Now we’ve got costume shops in every strip mall and Halloween gets as much of a lead-in as Christmas. No moral indignation here – I just don’t need that particular brand of chaos more than once a year.

Candy has taken a back seat to plastic heads, dismembered body part replicas, and all variety of slasher weaponry. Even the hardware stores are selling Giant Skull Monsters and Life-Size Moaning Witches, and Hanging Zombies and Gored-Out Serial Killer Porch Screamers and Hairy Spiders the size of SUV’s — right next to the patio furniture.

My alma mater, UCSB, turns into a giant life-threatening Mosh Pit on Halloween weekend. Squads of crisis cops patrol Isla Vista to stem the growing tide of malicious mischief, assault and rape – not to mention public drunkedness and DUIs. Local merchants close their doors. Taxi drivers won’t even go there. Police cordons are erected to keep outsiders out. Tell me something…what do the kids in Isla Vista do? Kevlar costumes?

Here’s an idea: more trick or treat, less hit-and-run.

Halloween was for kids. Now it’s just dangerous.

Be safe.

…Scot.